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Sex and Sexuality
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Sex, feelings,
relationships, identity, "doing it", keeping safe, growing
up, feeling good...
These things can be a real headache for young people and
stress them out. They're not mental health problems as
such, but they can spin people out and lead to more serious
problems and stress.
Being young and exploring your sexuality can be an exhilarating
and exciting time. Many young people describe it as a
huge roller coaster of feelings and experiences... and
that's just when things are going well!
We believe it's important that young people love themselves
and their bodies, feel safe, act safe, respect and listen
to themselves and their partners, enjoy their relationships
and feel good about being who they are!
Some really common thoughts and
worries...
Is this what's supposed to happen?
Being young and getting so many different messages from
friends, tv, music, mags, school, parents, church - it
can sometimes be really hard to figure out what you want.
Sexuality is much too important for other people to make
you do things that you're not comfortable with. Don't
worry about what people around you say, you are precious
so listen to yourself. Feel okay saying what you want,
you deserve it. It's also important to feel okay saying
what you don't want, and to change your mind.
If you learn to love yourself and your body then it's
so much easier to say what you want when you're with someone
else. It may seem like everyone else is doing things that
you're not - don't forget, sometimes people say they're
doing it just to fit in! There are loads of ways to show
someone that you care and to express your sexuality. Having
sex is only a small part of this. Knowing someone really
well as a person before you start a relationship can help
to make sure that you trust and respect each other and
have fun.
There's lots of dangerous myths out there about guys always
wanting sex and girls saying no when they really mean
yes. Guys are often nervous about knowing what their partners
want. Girls sometimes feel that they can't talk about
what they want. For both partners, having good sexual
experiences is about checking out what the other person
feels like, is into and respecting this.
If you feel that the other person doesn't listen to what
you say then they don't deserve your time!
If you feel scared about the relationship it's important
to talk to someone you trust. If they don't listen to
your worries, there are loads of agencies that will (see
below).
If you are worried about abuse (now or in the past) it's
really important to know that:
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it's not your fault (someone having sex with you
or touching you without you saying yes is never
okay) |
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you're not alone |
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there are lots of people who can help |
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trust your gut, if it doesn't feel right then
it probably isn't |
If you want to talk to someone about this you can ring
Auckland Sexual Abuse Help (09 623 1700) or Rape Crisis
Auckland (09 366 7213) or see www.rapecrisis.org.nz.
I'm worried about getting pregnant/catching
something
Making sure that you don't get pregnant (contraception)
and don't catch any sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
are really common concerns.
It's really important that you know all that you can about
your body, safer sex and about how to get (and use) contraception
so that, if you choose to have sex, you won't have a baby
before you're ready. It's important that both guys and
girls think about this (it's not just something for the
girls to worry about!). Both parents are responsible for
kids when they're born.
STIs are really common, can be serious and it only takes
one person to pass them on. If you're worried that you
don't know stuff about how bodies work, sexual safety,
how to prevent pregnancy or STIs, this site has everything
you need to know: www.theword.org.nz
(you can send in questions for them too).
I think I'm gay/bi
Figuring out who you like, get off on, feel attracted
to, love, want to spend time with is a really important
part of growing up and exploring your sexuality. For young
people attracted to people of the same sex ("gay", "lesbian"),
or both sexes ("bi/bisexual") rather than the opposite
sex ("het/straight/heterosexual"), this can be a really
difficult time because of the negative messages out there
about being "different" or not "normal". You deserve respect,
love and support no matter whom you love, live with, spend
time with. If you are going through a hard time coming
out, or know someone who is, check out the Rainbow Youth
group in your area or www.rainbowyouth.org.nz
My boyfriend/girlfriend has just dumped me
Relationship hassles, getting dumped, fighting with your
partner - it can all be a huge headache and there can
be times when it feels that nobody else would understand.
It might not feel like it now but talking with someone
can make it all a little bit easier. If you can't talk
to your parents, other family/whanau or friends, groups
like Youthline
are always there for support. Talking to an adult who
cares about you - teacher, youth worker, pastor etc. may
be a first step to figuring out how to get through the
dark times. You can also check out the ideas on this web
site about coping that other young people have written.
Is my body supposed to look like
this?
Part of growing up involves huge changes in your body.
This can be both exciting and really freaky. Most young
people talk about things that they don't like about their
bodies but sometimes comparing yourself to other people
can make you feel really down. Its important to remember
that no-one looks like the supermodel pictures (even their
photos get touched up before they're printed!), and everyone
is very different but beautiful in their own way. If you're
getting worried about this or feel like your life sucks
because of body image stuff, it's important to talk to
someone or check out the rest of this website for ideas
to cope and to love and appreciate yourself.
Another cool site about this stuff
is:
www.youthcafetaupo.org.nz/SEX/sex.html
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