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Self
Harming
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What
is self-harm?
Self-harm (also known as deliberate self-injury or self-mutilation)
is one way some young people use to cope with really difficult
feelings (such as sadness, anger, worry) which build up
inside and can get overwhelming.
Some ways young people might deliberately
harm themselves include:
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Cutting or scratching their skin |
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Burning themselves |
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Hitting parts of their body, punching walls, bruising
themselves |
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Taking an overdose of tablets |
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Pulling hair |
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Picking skin |
Does self-harm affect a lot of
people?
Definitely - self-harm can affect anyone. It is a lot
more common than people think. However, it is really difficult
to get exact numbers of young people who self harm, for
a number of reasons. Firstly, self-harm is often a secret
problem - many young people who hurt themselves will do
so privately for a long time before letting anyone know
about it. Secondly, sometimes when people do seek help
the self-harm is seen as a suicide attempt, and not counted
as deliberate self-harm.
Why do people deliberately self-harm?
There are a lot of different reasons
why a person might harm themselves.
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To release tension or angry feelings |
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To distract themselves from emotional pain |
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To snap out of dissociation |
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To feel "real" |
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To stop having a panic attack |
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To stop lashing out at others |
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To escape problems by getting "out of it" |
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Self hatred |
People usually don't self-harm to kill themselves; instead
most people who self harm see it as a way to cope with
intense emotional pain. Sometimes people don't even know
why they harm themselves, but usually, if they talk to
someone about it they will start to understand their own
reasons.
Below are some things that young
people have said about their reasons for self-harming
(all names have been changed):
"I get really angry and I don't know how to deal with
it. I end up punching walls until my hands bleed, trying
to get the anger out"
Anna, 15 yrs
"The physical pain when I cut takes the focus away from
emotional pain - and the physical pain doesn't feel as
bad as the emotional pain."
David, 15 yrs
"When I'm down I feel helpless and hopeless, like things
are never going to change, and I feel angry with everyone.
After I cut, I feel less angry, like something has been
released."
Sarah, 16 yrs
"Taking pills helped because it made me feel drowsy and
not care if my parents were shouting. It made all my problems
feel far away"
Marie, 17 yrs
"I just hated my body, I blamed it for what had happened
(abuse). I wanted to hurt myself, to punish my body because
I didn't like myself."
Erin, 14 yrs
"After the argument with my mum I was really upset, I
didn't know what to do. I cut myself because I was trying
to calm myself down - I wasn't trying to kill myself"
Jennifer, 15 yrs
Why might people want to stop
self-harming?
While self-harming can be a way of coping with distress,
it can have a lot of negative consequences too. These
are just some of the reasons why young people may want
to stop self harming:
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They might feel like the self harm is escalating
and getting out of control and that they can't stop
even if they want to |
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They might accidentally end up dead (accidental
death is actually very common in people who self
harm) |
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They might end up with an irreversible injury,
organ failure, or brain damage |
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They get ugly scars on their body - this might
mean they can't wear certain clothes or go swimming
without people staring |
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Their friends and family members get really upset,
angry or worried/over-protective about them |
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They might be experiencing social rejection |
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As long as they keep using self harm as a way
to cope with problems, they may never learn how
to cope with problems, in a healthy way |
When self-harm has become a way of coping this is a sure
sign that problems need sorting out. Help or support may
be needed from family/whanau, friends or someone outside
of your circle, such as a guidance counsellor, minister,
or family doctor.
So, if you have a problem with
deliberate self-harm what can you do?
If you are harming yourself and are worried about how
this is affecting your life, you might be thinking about
wanting to change your self-harming behaviour. For a start,
stopping self-harming is a lot easier if you can find
other ways of coping.
So you need to think about what helps you to cope when
you feel upset or stressed out? There are lots of things
that young people do that help them to feel better including:
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Talking to a friend or family member |
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Writing in a diary or writing poetry |
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Doing art/drawing/painting |
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Listening to music |
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Doing exercise/going for a walk or a swim |
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Playing with a pet dog or cat |
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Having a warm bubble bath or shower |
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Writing letters |
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Playing computer games |
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Watching TV or videos |
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Going to a movie |
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Visiting a friend |
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Cooking food |
It is good to think about what helps you feel better when
you're down or stressed out - make a list of these things
and try to do them instead of letting your feelings build
up inside and resorting to self harming to cope.
However, sometimes, no matter hard you try to stop hurting
yourself, you can't. If you feel like this, it probably
means that you need to talk to someone. This needs to
be someone you trust and who will listen to you, talk
about how you feel and give practical help. Although it's
great if your friends are supportive, often this can be
quite an overwhelming thing for them to support you with
all on their own. Often its best to talk to an adult who
will be able to help you better and may know more about
what to do. People you could talk to might include:
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A family/whanau member (an older brother or sister,
an aunt, etc) |
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A friend's parent |
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The School Guidance Counsellor |
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A teacher |
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The school nurse |
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A minister or someone in your community |
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A GP/your family doctor |
When you have thought of someone to talk to, think of
some ways you will cope if they don't respond to you in
the way you expect or hope. Remember, the first person
you talk to might not be able to help. This isn't necessarily
their fault, or yours - self-harm can be a difficult thing
to understand. The important thing is not to give up -
there will be someone who will understand and be able
to help - so try again!
If there is no-one you feel you can trust at the moment,
you could try a telephone helpline. It's sometimes easier
to talk to someone who is trained to help, or to talk
to someone who doesn't know you.
If you or someone you know is self-harming, below are
a number of contacts and/or websites that may be useful:
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